Life following my miscarriage was quite a mess to say the least. I was hiding in my country home hoping nobody would ask about what happened with my life recently. My skin was a mess as my postnatal hormones were flying everywhere. My body was in shock still. What happened after miscarriage was similar to having given birth to a real baby.
If you would like to have a read on my miscarriage experience, you can read more on http://mommy-licious.com/a-private-lens-into-my-miscarriage-journey/
Firstly, I would like to thank everyone for your lovely messages that you have sent to me via Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram. I was overwhelmed by all your love. I didn’t know so many of you would actually care about what I’ve been through. Several of you actually approached me and told me about your miscarriage experiences too, I’m very proud of everyone of you as you are all brave warriors! You made me feel I’m less alone in this whole experience, so thank you!
Hence, I would like to share the scenes behind my life after miscarriage, the five things no one tells you about dealing with life after miscarriage.
1, You might need to see a doctor/nutritionist/dermatologist to help your body recover
I don’t know how other moms who have had this miscarriage experience cope, but for me, I’ve had the toughest times for the 6 months post-miscarriage. As if losing a baby isn’t miserable enough, my skin also went nuts on me too. Having sensitive skin isn’t new to me as I’m used to having sensitive skin the better half of my life, but my skin post-miscarriage just wasn’t the same.
I’ve got little red bumps oozing with white fluid all over my face, it’s not itchy at all but it’s just very annoying! And this is not like a one-off, these tiny red bumps keep coming back until I could bear it no more and retreat to seeing a dermatologist to help get rid of them once and for all.
The dermatologist told me the cause of it is my hormones. My post-miscarriage hormones were flying everywhere as the body has to stop abruptly with the pregnancy. As a result, she prescribed some mild topical steroid for me to control the situation. I didn’t want to use steroid on my face however, so I didn’t use the medication and instead, went to my uncle (who is a Chinese medicine expert) for him to prescribe some Chinese medicine for me to help tackle it.
I ended up drinking Chinese medicine for around 4 months before my skin started to improve and heal. On another note, I also had to stop using any chemical products on my skin as it might hinder the effects of those Chinese medicine.
So there you go, it took me a total of 6 months before my skin could heal itself completely post-miscarriage! It’s all for the sake of those pregnancy hormones! If you don’t have any of these issues, lucky you! but if you do experience any of these, my advise is go see a dermatologist or a Chinese medicine practitioner.
2, The food you need to eat for your body to heal quickly
You might be eating all sorts of crap post-miscarriage because you really don’t have the appetite to cook the right foods for yourself but hear me out, if you eat the right foods after having a miscarriage, you body might heal itself quicker than you expected.
If you haven’t heard of the Chinese confinement already, us Chinese can only eat a certain types of food after pregnancy. If you would like to learn more on this, you can read more on http://mommy-licious.com/how-to-lose-your-belly-weight-after-giving-birth/
They say having a miscarriage is just as similar as having given birth to a baby! Hence, our body would need some extra nourishment post labour as all of your energy and nutrients would have gone to the baby!
So, as unwilling as one can be after the shocking news of losing my own baby, I still need to go through a month of confinement and choosing the right foods for myself. In particular, I had loads of i, Black beans tea (to flush out all the toxins in the body); ii, pork knuckle & eggs ginger stew in sweet vinegar; iii, bird’s nest; and iv, fish maw & abalone chicken soup during my first month post-miscarriage to help my body recover. (ping me a message or comment below if you want more information with regards to the recipes of the specified foods!)
3, Only time will heal your sorrow and physical damage
This might sound obvious but this really is the only thing that would heal your sorrow and physical damage after going through a miscarriage.
To be honest, I thought I was tougher than this but after I learned about losing my baby, I felt like literally a part of me was gone and nothing would help soothe my pain apart from God’s comfort and time.
With my first week after miscarriage, my feelings were mostly numb and I couldn’t think of any positives in the whole experience. With time, I tried to learn from it and grew to become a stronger person and accepted the fact that baby won’t return no matter what your feelings were. I guess all I need was to accept the fact that baby was gone and all I could do was to pray and hope that my body would recover as soon as possible.
4, Only you yourself can pick yourself back up (God will be there to help you but you have to stand up on your own!)
As with any other failures or sickness, only you yourself can pick yourself up! This is very true yet overlooked by most people. Sometimes we like to blame the others for causing us trouble or even, blame ourselves for the miscarriage but any of these won’t help with the situation. Only hope and a positive attitude towards life would help us get better mentally & physically.
With my miscarriage, I blamed myself for eating the wrong foods and perhaps doing too much exercise. I was hard on myself, big time. For the entire first week post-miscarriage, my mind has switched into this negative mode where all my thoughts were questions about why I had lost my baby. Now that I’m thinking about it, it was toxic and lethal. Not only did it not bring my baby back, in fact, it did not for a moment helped with my recovery.
Undoubtedly, God was there to help me as my mindset has quickly changed into a positive one. God was there to give me comfort but he also told me that I had to pull myself together, on my own. It is his grace that we have the freedom for a freewill. Indeed, if I chose to stay negative, I could do so and my life would be miserable. He gave me that choice to stay happy or not, and it was entirely up to me.
5, You’ll recover fastest when you seek help! (And you are def not alone in this!)
Once you have grasped that positive mindset, it’s not enough to walk on your own! I’ve learned that life after a trauma would need plenty of support from family and friends.
Post-miscarriage, I loved my privacy and for a good few weeks, I was hiding in my country home hoping nobody would ask about what happened with my life recently. Feeling depressed was an understatement. No feelings could express how I actually feel about losing my own baby. But deep down, I knew I needed to ignore those feelings and get up and fight.
And for once, fighting on my own is not a solution. I’m blessed with a caring husband and loving family and friends, and although they didn’t know what to say to comfort me, they tried their best and I could feel their love and concern for me.
And although I didn’t seek help from them, they came to find me and offer me help! There and then, I learned that love is the best medicine. I need to feel loved in order for me to continue fighting the impossible fight. I knew I was not alone in this, after all.
So, friends, if you are like me, going through this impossible fight, I only wish the best for you and hope that you will seek help from the others! Call your parents and friends! Going out of your comfort zone means a step closer to recovery. And trust me, it does get better. A light will be waiting for you at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for reading, please comment and share with friends if you find it useful! have a great week!
Love, Ophelia xo
Delighted to let you guys know that Mommy-licious has been awarded one of the Top 10 UK Mom Blogs from Feedspot! I’m so honoured as I’d never have expected that would come so soon after my launch of Mommy-licious this year! Being thrilled is an understatement. Thank you so much Feedspot for your acknowlegement!
If you would like to read more on the list of the Top 10 UK Mom Blogs, you can head to https://blog.feedspot.com/uk_mom_blogs/